A crimson red sky hung over Chicago. The clouds were like lined up bloody patches ready to swallow a person whole. The streets were empty- almost emptied. As awful as the sky looked, a pair of eyes admired the unfeigned atmosphere. Unlike humans, the sky could show its real emotions. A soft chuckle choked out of Tian Tian. Just like she thought, it began to pour hard and loud.
Tian Tian was a young sixteen year old. Growing up in a broken family was not a happy experience however, years have passed, the pain had diminished – or so she thought. Often when an agonizing past happens a sequel is developed. Her single mother, Ai Tung Fu, had raised her up since she was five. At that time Tian Tian did not understand why her father announced his departure for another woman. When she was old enough to understand, it was already too late. Her mother had changed – she no longer was the gentle and sincere housewife.
" A fool," Tian Tian said under her breath.Climbing down from the rusted small chair at the corner of the restroom, where a window rested, Tian Tian took a deep breath. Although she has acrophobia – the fear of heights, she could not resist adoring the heavens. Taking a seat on the cold tiled floors of the restroom, Tian Tian mused at her childhood memories. Her Achilles heel badly ached. She glared down and realized a clot of dried blood covered it. However, Tian Tian decided to ignore it – she had other things to ponder about. Moments later she stared at her reflection on the long mirror, located across where she sat.
"Ugly. You look just like your idiot father."
She tasted warm metal liquid on the corners of her lip. Raising her right hand she was not surprised to feel newly exposed blood. In fact, it happened often – a little too much. She developed many habits; in this case it happened to be the biting of her lower lip. Tian Tian glared at her swollen lip not lowering her right hand. As if the mirror had asked her to do it a favor, she tilted her arm slightly, revealing about ten horizontal scars. A twisted smile inched its way to Tian Tian’s lips. She turned to her left and entered one of the bigger stalls of the restroom. Slowly, Tian Tian closed her large chestnut eyes and laid her head back against the wall and slid down. As if pain had haunted her, her wound formed by her father was accepted and soon healed, but soon after another person important to her decided to reopen it. She grimaced at the thought of her confession today.
Tian Tian sighed as she walked out the door of her Trigonometry class. Another pop test was given out and she knew an additional spanking would occur when she reached home in the afternoon. Nevertheless, she regained her smile knowing that British Literature class came next. She walked across the Art & Mathematics Bridge of Whitney Young and towards her class located in room 203. Her class was already seated. Luckily, a seat was opened in the back row right behind Neji, the genius. Instead of paying attention to the lecture her teacher gave, she stared at the back of Neji’s head and daydreamed. The clock ticked as students jotted down their notes. Oblivious to her surrounding, Tian Tian thought of how she would confess her admiration and affection towards Neji. She had planned it all out that today would be the grand day. Tian Tian snapped back to the cruel reality when the bell rang. Coincidently, Neji and Tian Tian had lunch the next period. Watching the handsome genius walk out the classroom, Tian Tian hurriedly packed her books into her bag and raced after him.
"Neji!" a coarse scream alerted him.
"What?"
"Um a-are you…uh…free right now?" she stuttered.
"Make it quick."
"Uh…okay…uh…I lo-lo…um…"
"Hn. I don’t have all day."
"Iloveyou," Tian Tian quickly whispered.
Famous for being the emotionless, Neji did not even wince or act surprised. Tian Tian bit her lip and struggled not to cry from the silence that he gave her.
"Hn. Another fan girl?"
"NO!" she screamed then softened, "I am not just a fan girl. I love you with all my heart."
Feeling discomfort, Neji ignored her and continued his way to his locker to fetch his books. Startled, Tian Tian gaped at his actions and screamed for his attention once again.
"WHAT?" he said annoyance written on his face.
"Do I get an answer?"
"No."
"Why can’t you give me an answer?"
"Girls like you should spend more time studying instead of daydreaming about being in a relationship with someone you are not up to par with."
"W-What do you mean?"
"Hn. As expected of a fan girl," he grunted.
"I told you I am not just another fan girl!"
"You’re wasting my time," he replied rolling his eyes and walking away.
Her heart began to ache and she felt emptiness. Placing her right hand to her heart Tian Tian lowered her head.
"Neji…why am I not good enough?"
He stopped in his tracks for the third time.
"You’re annoying."
Tears streamed down unexpectedly, like a broken pearl necklace and instantly she closed her eyes begging them to stop falling. She became speechless.
"And weak," he continued taking advantage of her reaction.
She sniffled, opened her eyes, and laughed. She used to be a deep believer of love, but how did her devotion towards the sake of love result in?
"Yes…yes I admit I am a weakling."
"Actually more like a failure."She looked up in disbelief.
What in the world was he trying to do? Was he attempting to sprinkle salt onto her opened wound?
"Why, thank you," she said bitterly and walked the opposite direction that he headed towards. Once she was positive that Neji could not see, she began to weep once more. Her heart beat faster. And faster. And faster. She began wheezing and choking for her breath. Her legs guided her away – away from Whitney Young. In moments she was out the door. Tian Tian did not know where she was heading nor did she care. Running south at Laflin Street towards Jackson felt as though she was flying. Cars honked at her and drivers stuck their heads out to yell, but she did not care. She turned right at Van Buren and stopped. Tian Tian took a deep breath and started racing towards her youthful memories – back to Robert Healy Elementary where Neji and her first met. She remembered how Neji and she always snuck in through the roof that lead to the girl’s restroom when they were late for school. She missed the feeling with Neji; she missed the feeling of being loved.
Tian Tian dragged her eyes opened. Reaching pass her abdomen where her coat pocket was she held her hand into a fist, covering a silver object. Opening her palm, a blade sat still."My best friend would you like to guide me away from here?" Tian Tian whispered to the blade. She raised the blade to wrist and engraved the words – Neji I’ll always love you, wherever I am. She inhaled air and silently whispers, "She sits and cries. Painful tears fill her eyes. Silent screams and cries of pain. Arms full of cuts and scars of shame. Alone in this world, a blade as a friend. To stop her pain to make it all end. She lies in her regret, spills of blood drop. This is her way to make in all stop."One last lonely tear emerged from her closed eyes and she smiled her last, but it was definitely an unbreakable smile.
